Ah, my first chance to reflect upon a sem in my blog.
It was in the recently concluded first semester of this schoolyear that I earned my lowest QPI so far. Of course, I am not completely to blame. And so, my first act in this blog is to place blame where blame is due.
First and foremost, the lack of an online registration system. This is, of course, exacerbated by the fact that grades and regforms in the Ateneo are distributed some SIX DAYS before the actual registration. In the past this interval was a problem, but I have since learned to come one day before reg and just find wherever it is they stash the unclaimed grades and regforms. The fact that they now have rooms and Regcom people dedicated to managing this stash proves that others have gained wisdom similar to mine. Nevertheless, a good percentage of Ateneans are from outside of Metro Manila. We come here for ten months a year, live in dorms, then for the remaining two months hope to be with our family and loved ones. Sadly, the current registration system forces us to choose between this hope and a respectable schedule. I myself have always chosen the former, and have suffered deplorable schedules (and choices of teachers, which I will come to later) many times. Last semester was no different. Originally, I was supposed to have 7:30 classes everyday! This was later changed (7:30 TTH), but the time-slots do not matter nearly as much as the choice of teachers. So how exactly did this contribute to my sad QPI? 7:30 classes TTH meant that I was ALWAYS (always here used in its traditional meaning of "every single time") late, and missed a lot of classes. Also, being separated from family and loved one (singular) caused an early-sem depression that I had to work to get out of.
And now we shall look at my low grades class-by-class. I shall begin with my most disappointing subject and work my way upwards.
ELC 106. Ah yes, the legendary "D that made me happy". Also, my third subject with Mr. Monje. For most of the sem I had a failing class standing. I blame myself for not studying for the first exam. I blame myself for telling myself that the first exam would be canceled (Mr. Monje usually cancels the score of the lowest exam out of five when calculating a student's final grade) and subsequently not studying for the second exam. I blame Mr. Monje for making all five exams hellishly hard for someone electronically retarded like myself. So I'm not gifted at electronics. Why stop me from chasing my dream?! Why discriminate against those who cannot understand?! I had to study more than I had EVER studied (I know that's not saying a lot, but I did study Helen Kellerishly for the last two exams) just to get my D. In the end when I got my grades from the registrars office and saw it, the fourth letter of the alphabet made me happier than any of the A's I'd received over the years. I certainly worked more for it.
Theology. The most sensitive subject I've ever had. Also, taught by one of the most sensitive teachers I've ever encountered, Oliver Inchody. He comes in second to Harvey Keh. Being a hard atheist, I told myself at the beginning that I would study for this subject like I would for any other: with detachment. Alas, my passion always got the better of me. Often when I should have been memorizing, I found myself analyzing, criticizing and condemning. Needless to say, I needed the (presumed) A I got in the finals to pull my grade up from D to C (my class standing was actually C but I assume since Inchody could sense my antitheistic attitude he pulled my grade down one notch). And so, where does the blame fall? On the Catholic Church, of course. The irony is that without the Catholic Church, there would be no Ateneo (and for that matter there would be no UST, La Salle, etc), but at present while the Ateneo is such a great school, the Catholic Church holds it back.
Philosophy. Here there is none to blame but myself. My teacher, Wilhelm Strebel, taught as a teacher should teach, and guided as a philosopher should guide. He pointed at the moon, but I could only see his finger.
CE. I actually got an A in this one. Then why is it here? Did I not like the way the teacher taught? Unlike MANY of my CE classmates, I think Eng Obien taught an applaudable semester of C++. The problem is that because of the passion I had for C++, I would spend hours when I should have been sleeping and days when I should have been studying for something else programming my beloved Shark Fish and Ball and its expansion Shark Fish and Ball 2. This resulted in me missing my 7:30 EngMa class the next morning or not having enough time to study for my next Elc exam on the weekends. Although Shark Fish and Ball 1 & 2 turned out very, very well, I feel that I could have gotten an A with a not-so-superb game anyway. The labor-of-love hours could have gone to sleep or study and maybe I could have gotten an extra letter grade somewhere else.
On the abovementioned things do I squarely place the blame for last semester's QPI. Some people blame only themselves. This attitude is unhealthy, and in the first place based on an incorrect belief. Others blame their parents (I would sooner blame the water here in Manila), their peers, or their god. I do not agree. The effects of these things cannot be measured or said to be simply "good" or "bad", and I feel that no matter what the situation with regards to them, high grades are possible. Some people blame their romantic relationships. I do not, but the effect of relationship problems on grades are far too varied and complex to generalize.
So what else happened besides the QPI thing?
Interestingly enough, my less than satisfactory performance in Elc forced me to study with friends, and this brought me closer to some of them than normal. I'm afraid to enumerate because I might forget someone. "But if you're really friends with them, you'll remember!" No.
Last semester was also the first time that I tried HONESTLY sharing my experiences with friends. Sometimes I did it because they shared first and I had to do something. Other times I just wanted to. One never HAS to share one's experiences and feelings unless one wants to. This is one of my disagreements with popular culture. But I digress. I also found out that chismis can be quite fun to engage in. Fortunately, I enjoy hearing it more than the spreading it, so I shouldn't make any enemies because of this in the future.
Relationship. Carissa. The relationship fluctuations of last semester had a lower amplitude than the others (that means the highs were not as high and the lows were not as low). Also, somebody must have attached a diode that shorted the circuit when we hit a certain value of low (that means that the highs were higher than the lows were low) because there was less suffering.
Yes, I used that word. Suffering. "One shouldn't suffer in a relationship! If you do, then that means you're not meant for each other." Nobody's meant for anybody, fool. A couple realizes this sooner or later, and, as Joanne puts it, they fall from the clouds into the unforgiving earth. Some couples get up, dust each other off and thenceforth have a down-to-earth relationship. Carissa and I, we leap right back up into the clouds. Sometimes, I think, we even perform quantum leaps because we don't seem to traverse the space between ground and clouds.
"Are you happy?" Who the hell are you anyway, Mr. In-between-quotes man? Go away and stop interrupting!
"Did you grow as a person? If so, how?"
"Are you ready to embrace your responsibilities?"
"Did you learn any life lessons?"
Stop asking me to talk about myself. I like to think that I don't have many thoughts or feelings. I don't believe that myself, but I still believe it more than other people do. Also, I try to limit my life lessons to things like 'The LRT's door stops three tiles to the left of the row of black tiles'.
My routine guidance interview isn't until November 28.
BLOGGING FOR WHAT'S RIGHT!November 18, 2006
1:22 am
